In a Meeting without a Pen

in a meeting with no pen (borrowed picture)

When in a meeting, it is better that you bring a pen and a paper to avoid long eye contacts with your meeting buddies while they explain help you with the notes and to give off that expression that you are scribbling down some notes in order for you to review after the meeting. Yes, that is basically the hidden rules that are stipulated before I ever began going to companies and messing myself in this corporate maze. And as I see it, I think I might not be that bad until I went into today’s meeting and forgot to bring my pen. I was told that we were going to introduce ourselves to our new client. Introduce, that was what I heard and that was what I did. I frantically panic the moment they told us about self introduction, of course if it was in English, I can definitely tell you my name and add that ever familiar “Nice meeting you” things. Sadly or dramatically, it will be done in Japanese (it’s called “Jiko Shookai”) and I have to ask my friends in Skype to tell me the basics. I know my Japanese skills is hitting below the ground and if I don’t do anything about it, it might go 6-feet under. Sadly.  (more…)

Old Flame’s revival

I don’t consider myself good or err very good in anything. No, I don’t have that low self-esteem dilemma, I just don’t consider myself being good but that doesn’t mean that I would sulk in the corner and tell myself to accept my fate and die rotting in that dilemma. I have better things to do. On the positive side, I have the opportunity to explore new areas, new horizon that I haven’t been before; when people expects less from you, you have that freedom to do anything without people batting their eyelashes when you fail. I know, I know, I might sound so low when it comes to assessing myself but it still does give me some sort of inspiration (in a twisted manner) to continue learning. (more…)

The Hormonal Dilemma

I don’t listen to them always, not anymore, to the voices inside my head with their thoughts and conversations about the things that is happening and might happen in the next minutes of my life. They are always there, conversing and telling me this and that and how should I react on the things that matters for me. Though sometimes, when my hormones are unstable, I feel that confusing feeling inside of me growing, shouting and giving me all sorts of dilemma to ponder on. I would try my best to not delve on that confusing feeling, the same symptoms that they say women are experiencing when they are on their period or even before it, but just like everyone else, there’s a moment in your life when you don’t want to go with the flow, that you don’t want to be branded as some hormone-driven individual. But, how could I control the melancholic sadness inside of me, the deafening silence amidst the  hassle and bustle around me, how can I not cry when crying seems to be the only thing that can lift this particular feeling off my heart. I’m in some way or another in my hormonal state, where everything seems wrong, but all of a sudden nothing is. Really.

Last night, I cried. I cried in almost every waking moments, in ever second that I feel the need to shed those tears and to make myself feel a little better but in reality, I didn’t even feel better because I get a lot of headache when I cry. Controlling my tears and the like seems impossible because there are moments when they are the only things that seems relevant to do. I won’t deny that maybe, after every single moments of trying not to be eaten alive by this branding, I am as guilty as every woman who experiences it– I am after all, as hormonal as I do.

It’s difficult for me to understand myself(at this moment) and somehow I don’t want people to look at me, judging me by my actions and asking what’s wrong. No, people! I don’t even understand myself, how can I explain something like this to you? No. I want comfort. Some comforts that doesn’t need words to soothe me to sleep but gives off that relaxing feeling of assurance and love. And somewhat, amidst my being hormonal, I am still one of the luckiest girl now. :)

Time

Time stood still after a long time of wishing and praying for something like this to happen. I watched the time in the menu bar as it stood at 10:32 in the morning and for some like five minutes already, it didn’t bulge. Time is standing still! To confirm what I thought is something phenomenal, I checked the wall clock and my wrist watch, all of them telling me that it is still 10:32. After a few moments and of trying to count up to 60, to convince myself that time is currently at its suspended mode, I sat back and relax. I watched as my workmates do their usual thing, programming something and then discussing it with their teammates for improvement. I watched them, closely, as I see one workmate transcend the different stages of working: from being active with a coffee in hand, to that grumpy sleepy beast that will surely eat you if you cross his way up to being plain sleepy and sometimes giving into that nappy time. (more…)

Morning Jog and Some Benefits from it

For the first time after a long time, we were able to jog again early this morning. It was fulfilling knowing the fact that it took a lot of effort and determination to separate my body from my ever-comforting bed and its pillow. I almost didn’t make it outside the door knowing that my body has been accustomed into sleeping until around 7 in the morning and rushing out to beat the traffic. Oh, before I get lost in this early morning rush hour and forget the reason of writing this post, here are the benefits that I think anyone can have if they would take that morning jog.

Greeting Mr. Sun. I know you always see him in the morning, though, I bet it’s always that time when you can’t even bear the heat under his blazing sun rays. Yes. I always feel that too, I don’t greet him good morning anymore because I sometimes hate the heat of the day. When you wake up early and feel that familiar morning breeze and Mr. Sun’s morning rays which are way better than those you feel at around 9 in the morning, you’ll definitely have a good day ahead of you.

Fresh Air. Yes. This is  one of the few things in the morning that are definitely free and are very rare throughout the day– a lot of fresh air. It’s like giving your lungs vitamins to fuel it up for the whole day ahead. It relaxes your senses and gives you that time of the day wherein you can meditate and do away with all the stress that is coming or might come your way.

Early Bird. Of course, you will definitely need to get up early to be able to jog early. And you know what does that mean: it means, you can enjoy some sort of time for yourself, before diving into your routine at work or to anywhere. It seems like you can do some stuffs before the day starts.

Health benefits. According to some Yahoo News articles that I have read a couple of days ago(yes, I read a lot of lose weight article and the likes), if you’re planning to lose weight, it would be best to jog early in the morning. It would make you lose more pounds or something and if you would make it a habit, it will also help you so as not to feel too tired or sleepy throughout the day. Of course, you need to do a light jogging– something that is not too much to start you day.

So get that lazy butt of yours off the slumber-place and get that feet kicking and running.

Tangled Hair

I woke up today with a tangled hair. It’s somewhat distressing, I guess every woman you’ve known will understand my dilemma this morning, untangling one’s hair and trying my very best not to pull more hair than expected. When dealing with tangled hair, experts would advice some sort of hand combing, ditching the comb and using your hands to comb and untangle your hair. It requires a lot of skills and a bigger chunk of patience to make sure that you won’t be jeopardizing your hair strands and giving yourself an instant hair loss problem.

Tangled hair is just like the lives that every single one of us lives; in one way or another, we are tangled to each other. A single deed of the other has a direct or an indirect effects to other people’s lives and we sometimes don’t know if it is good or not. If it’s good, then we should be proud of it, if it’s bad, we have to improve our decision making skills.

My tangled hair made me realized a lot of things this morning, something about our tangled life, as well as, my very own– that it is a chain of the decisions I’ve made in the previous days. And wherever I am in this tangled life is a living proof of what I have done and what I didn’t do and wherever I am in the next chapter of this untangling phase will be decided by me– of the choices that I will make and the choices that I won’t choose.

And also, another point in this tangled post is that I should find a new shampoo or a better conditioner or really go to the salon and pamper my hair. 😀

 

Coffee

coffee

coffee

“I need some time on my own. I need to know for sure if you’re really is the one for me. I need to find myself. I need to be alone. I’m sorry.”

Those were the last words you said to me before turning your back from me and leaving our favorite coffee shop. That was the last time for us, your simple explanation and your hurried good bye, everything was gone in an instant. I stared at you as you walked straight into the alley of Gregory Street, the street where I first saw you when we were still young. I watched you go, something that we would argue about the week after that event.  (more…)

Beyond my Horizon

After all these years, you finally came to see me. There were no tears anymore, it took years before they even dried up but they did and that too was many years ago. The longing passed by, so is the love that once flickered in the midst of all the events that came after the first time I kissed you. Those days has a vague place in my memory but it seems they were the best years of my life– the best but certainly something I cannot have all over again. Nobody would want those heart breaking ending, everyone likes the happy times but never the after math. The deafening silence, the tears and even the suicidal attempts that were too easy and too tempting.

I smiled at you, the years had taken its toll on you. The boyish smirk you always have was gone, it was replaced by a calm smile. A casual smile that I didn’t know you’re capable of. I wanna laugh at the thought of the things we shared: lazy afternoon’s at your apartment and the crazy talk that we always have. They were great and so are you.

I hugged you, for old time’s sake. This visit is something for the sake of a crazy promise I asked from you– and you never missed something like this, like you used to. Sometimes, when we were still young, I would think that you are way beyond my reach– even way beyond my horizon. Something I can’t have. Something I don’t deserve, not even the kiss or the touch. I had you once and that was enough.

I watched you leave again. This time, there will be nothing to look forward to; the promised have been fulfilled. And you’ll be really gone, for sure. And maybe, we’ll meet again somewhere, sometime but still a maybe. After all, you will always be something beyond my horizon.

Passing By

Someone else

Someone else

He was just passing by. That’s the original plan, a plan made around 10 years ago when they were still lovers. A visit from anyone of them. There were premonitions or hear-says that your first love is never your last, that you’ll eventually meet someone better and you’ll then understand why that first one didn’t work out.

She was standing at the porch, the autumn wind playing with her hair and her skirt. She was beautiful, as always. The sparks in her eyes were still the same, it was overwhelming. That look– it melts his heart and his anger. Those big hazel eyes that would sparkle when she talks and as always, would swept him off his feet. How he anticipated this day more than his wedding day.  (more…)

TGIF(Thank God It’s Friday)–ohh wait it’s Friday the 13th!

Everyone loves Friday, from students up to working professionals who are trapped in the 8 hours / 5 times a week working routine. Some hate Mondays because it means going back to that routine and Friday seems so far again. And Fridays, yey! The last hurdle towards the 2-day break that everyone deserves. A time to spend some time with your loved ones, relax and be away from the stressful environment that you are into.

Ever since I was a child a lot of people would tell me that the unluckiest day of the year are those days where the number 13 is on a Friday. It’s just unlucky. I never had the chance to know what lies behind that taboo day. What does Friday the 13th means? Will it ruin your 2-day vacation behind it, which I think is more important than labeling that day as unlucky.

13. According to numerology, it is an irregular number, transgressing completeness. Derived from the Last Supper because of the death of Jesus, there were 13 diners, thus resulting to the death of one of them.

Friday. The death of Jesus. Other than that, a lot of professional including the writer of Canterbury Tales believed(decided) that journey or projects shouldn’t starts on a Friday because it is unlucky.

The irony on these facts is that it touches Christianity and the superstitions that we have. Yes it’s ironic because in this affiliation, superstition should not be part of the belief. If you have the faith that you should have ideally, then this kind of superstition should never matter to you.

So enjoy this 13th day of the month and enjoy it even more because it’s on a Friday. And tomorrow is the beginning of the weekend that you have been waiting for. :)

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