Confusion

Here’s something for the Daily Prompt: Land of Confusion

confused

What is confusion? What state is it? Is it that split second moment before you take that leap of faith from the edge that you get to think that what you might do is wrong? Or, is it that moment when you’re already falling, midway between the edge and the rocky bottom and suddenly the questions came popping one by one, telling you that you made the wrong decision or was it really wrong?

Confusion is one of the words I deem not define, it’s confusing at this level of consciousness where everything is making sense but in the midst of it all, nothing is. Life is a blur, a mere haze of what you wanted to see. It’s confusing for some, that you need to go to work 8-hour per day, 5-day a week because we need something to do with our spare time; yet, we tell everyone else that we don’t or will never have enough time. We’re the race that will put someone in throne and throw stones at them when in some way or another they failed. We asked people for forgiveness and second chances but we put people in jail. We asked for equal rights, gender deconstruction but we hated the thought of men marrying men. We asked for freedom of expression but we are trapped in the umbrella of emotions of people that matters for us. We want a cleaner government but still vote for those thrashy politicians. We want everyone to know the God that we believed in is a loving God but we tell people that our God will judge others and banish them to the fires of hell.

The list could go on and on—this is my daily dose of confusion. I’m not saying that I possess some kind of hocus pocus power that enables me to have this perspective and no, I am not alone with this view because everyone else can see these loopholes in the society, race or to the general humanity. Confusion is not just one state where you can step into and gets out when the time comes, sometimes, it’s a one-way ticket to life and it ends when all things end. If you don’t want it to end miserably, learn to accept these confusions and make the journey in this confused maze called life a memorable one. :)

Looking Back

“It’s funny how everyday the same thing happens over and over again and how one day we would wake up in a totally different world.”

I read that somewhere, I forgot who wrote that one or if I really captured to write the right words and the right thought. Well, to whoever you are, thanks for pointing that out to everyone of us. Usually, people like you and me needs a constant reminder that we are indeed in a world where everything changes so fast: one time this is the “in” and the next it’s the era of trending and branding and whatever people think matters. It’s an era of great paradox and irony— I think maybe it’s more on: centuries of great paradox.

Last November 8 was the mark of our 2-year stay in the company that we are currently working on(though, technically, our 2-year contract will end next year, I’ll explain it later if I have another time), since we started our 6-month training on the same day 2 years ago(of course!). I remembered being late on the first day of our training because we didn’t know that there was this kind of school-university-belt on our way to the office, so the traffic was terrific! Traffic-jam everywhere and we really can’t help the time from ticking. The first day of the training was somewhat special for me because we were late it marked a new beginning for me and my family. My career as a Computer Science graduate and a chance to help in the finances of my family.

The training was everything that we wished/anticipated for: it was rough, joy-ride of some kind, mixed with great minds and spiced it up with some dash of fun, stories, endless coffee and beers and you’ll surely have a one of a kind experience. I had heartbreaks(I was in love with the idea of love at that time) and a lot of happier memories. They said, you’ll never know what happiness is until you experience pain, sadness and every kind of loneliness. I think I had my fair share of those pain and happiness– I was at my extreme emotions on those days and as the end of our training is nearer, I realized that somewhat, amidst all the pains and tears that I had, the sleepless nights and the pressure of proving that you definitely matter and that you’re worth it(okay, I’m a bit exaggerating here but let me be), that there will always be a better day to come; a happier sun and a rainbow after the rain state. After all the tears had fallen and your heart had the final blow, the next stages are the sunnier days, the happier days; and the cycle will always be like that. :)

Life is like that. It’s unfair in all its fairness. It does change and somewhat, whatever had changed since the day that we finally bade goodbye to the four-corner of that training room, there will always be that happier moments, dull moments and sad moments that we’ve shared for that 6-month period. :)

I’m not sad of what we’ve become: indifferent, frenemy, best friends, friends, co-workers, and to whatever labels there is to the friendship that we had or is currently having, I guess, after all the heartbreaks(yes, I easily get my heart broken) I finally learned to accept changes. To be friendlier to the world and the changes that it throws to me. It’s amazing how everything changes but along the way, there’s always that special place to look back into. Sometimes, usually or on some unpredictable moments(moments like this!), looking back are great moments. Thanks. 😛

One Post a Day and Typhoon

Based on my previous posts and their intervals, I promised myself that I will religiously post something per day for the National Blog Posting Month. I tried my best but I would also like to remind myself that there are some things that are out of my control. My last post was on November 5 (it can be found here) and you might wonder what happened for the past few days or the last 4 days since it is already November 9 today.

Wednesday night, we had this quarterly gathering with my workmates and I went home past 12 midnight. I was so tired that I wasn’t able to go online or post something. :( Then came Thursday, I was planning to insert writing something while at the office so as to cover up for the Wednesday delay but my work items won’t let me and so I spend the whole morning coping with my task and planned to maybe render some overtime to finish it on-time. If you’re reading the news, a super typhoon is about to hit the Philippines, specifically the central Visayas region. It’s a supertyphoon that is categorized as a strong Category 5 typhoon that’s expected to struck damages on the places it would hit. The typhoon is locally named Yolanda and its international name is Haiyan. I’m currently living in Cebu (which if you might not heard of is hit by a 7.2 magnitude earthquake last month) and we are one of the places that is feared to feel the strength of this typhoon. Thursday afternoon, while we were busy doing our task and hearing about people around the city doing some panic-buying rendezvous, our manager suddenly told everyone to go home and get ready for the typhoon that is expected to come the next day. A signal number two is already raised for Cebu and the mayor asked all the public and private offices to cancel any work for Thursday afternoon and the whole day of Friday.  (more…)

Sunflower Madness

Sunflower Madness

Sunflower Madness

Madness is a word never to be precise, its definition has no boundaries, no beginnings nor endings– a limitless definition depending on the person’s perception of it. Collide it with a vast sunflower field, an enormous field filled with those bright yellow flowers that seems to dance when the wind come and the lives of the people who tends it, and definitely, one can have a remarkable childhood.

Remarkable. Well, of course, everything that happened in that span of years that people usually calls as the childhood years are the driving force that made anyone who they are when they reach adulthood. Whether it’s sad, happy or even scary– it’s an experience you can’t erase from who you are. It’s a vital part of you being you. And somewhere during adulthood, you have to face it one again and visit that happy place, sad place or even that scary place. It’s part of growing up or of the letting go phase anyone have to face before stepping out and facing greater challenges. (more…)

Buzzer Beater

I’m not proud of it but sometimes, I become a buzzer beater. Or, let me tell you the truth oftentimes, I become a buzzer beater. When I was still on probation in the company that I am currently working on, we were told to minimize our late time-in or specifically speaking, we shouldn’t be late more than four times in that 6-month long probation. Luckily for me, I never entered the office past 8 in the morning (8 AM is our time in) but if you’ll have the chance to see the log sheet of my time-ins, there are a lot of 7:59, 7:58, 8:00 and some 7:45. Yes, that my dear, is buzzer beating the time that I should be in the office.

I know of course that I need to improve in the time-management area of my life. Of course, as what our manager lectured this morning, we should act professional by being punctual. I usually try my best to be punctual, to be at a specific place at the specified time. I always try my best on that. But, you know, there are really some things in my life that I really can’t control. Some factors like for example, my insomnia that usually hits me during work-week or err, my grumpy stomach when I am about to go out of the door and leave for work. Well, they always say– give some buffer time. Give yourself a grace period for those things that you don’t have control to.

Well, this post is a buzzer beating for me. I promised myself to religiously follow the One Post per Day for the Whole month of November. And I’ll fulfill that promise, even though I just got home from work because I was loaded with a lot of stuffs today and I need to finish them on time and thus, some over time work is quite advisable to be rendered. And my stomach is in grumpy mode so gotta run and tata! See you around, I promise to post something better tomorrow. Good night folks! 😛

It’s 3 in the morning

I stared into the ceiling, memorizing the perfect squares above and the placement of the light bulb in the middle. The light from it was already dead but I can still see everything clearly because the light bulb in the stairs is still on and it was more than enough to bring light in the room. I moved out from the bed into the floor, feeling the coldness as it embraces me from the very first time my body hit the tiled-floor. I stared blankly as the words dance inside my mind, exhausting my body but not my mind– it’s wide awake, denying any thought about sleep and leaving me frustrated about the time. It’s 3 in the morning!

I shifted to my side, my body screaming  with numbness as the cold slowly crept into my being– feeling their coldness deep into my bones. I would rather have this cold feeling, the one this tiled-floor is giving off rather than a cold back. An indifference or the thought of being ignored at times like this is frustrating and it would lead you to a lot of realization about life and times like this.

“You’ve got to take the bad with the good.” (more…)

Dead-end, Blocks or the Lazy Bone

After diagnosing myself with some kind of self-made reader’s block, which I think is already on its healing phase since I already finished the book Carrie by Stephen King, let me diagnose myself with some kind of writer’s block. If for some good reason, I can really call myself a writer and the definition of being one is being able to write(effectively) and more, well, in one way or another– let me consider myself as one of those lucky writer who is suffering from that ever intolerable writer’s block.

It’s not the same kind Mike Noonan, form the Bag of Bones suffered, which is I think is the extreme form of writer’s block that every time he sees the Word application in his laptop the worst thing of throwing up and being sick happens, all the time; okay, that is really extreme. As for me, I don’t really suffer that much but for me it seems the things that I want to write had come to that alley where no road had ever connected. It’s like being trapped in a corner of a maze where you find yourself in a dead-end. Game over my dearie. It’s like being trapped in my own make believe sickness that every single story that I want to share is already out but no, I still have the words, what I need  is some sort of lightning-like-enlightenment, a eureka! moment. A moment that I usually feel when writing something but it seems those moments were currently on their holiday, on leave without a further notice.

They said writing needs patience and some sort of understanding yourself and your cravings to scribbles and produce inks and the stuffs that you would love to have, those moments of publishing a good story(in my blog, in my case), are the best in their form and I want to relive that passion, the drive to write because I want to write. I want to tell a story, effectively, and as what one of the best blogger I have ever met(technically through his blog) that I should write and write and someday I would definitely have written. Well, I guess it’s high time to put more, push more on this writing escapade where I want to do something. :) Have a nice Saturday Friday dear readers.

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