What I like about writing is the feeling of being free. It’s not like I am caged somewhere, it has something to do with me being at my wit’s end when it comes to expressing my emotions, especially those emotions on the negative side. When I am angry, I end up crying instead of shouting the crap out of me. Worst, there are days when all I want to do is crawl back to bed and forget about what’s making me angry. I don’t like being angry or it stems from me not liking other people to see me at my worst. I’m quite shy about my emotions, when I am sad I don’t let people know about it because maybe I don’t like explaining what’s making me sad or I don’t want people to shed some bad light to the very reason why I am sad.
When I think about it, it’s usually the closest to me (or us) who has the ability to hurt me. I am not insinuating that I am hurt right now, okay? (I’m defensive, deal with it). Well back to this thought, when it comes to those people that are dear to me, I don’t want to put them in a bad light. Even if I am angry at them or if they’re making me sad, I don’t want people to know because I don’t have any idea how to tell them myself why I am angry or hurt. I think it’s logical that I was wired this way, I don’t have the courage to tell them about the things that hurt me or makes me angry and so I shouldn’t tell anyone else. I owe it to that person.
When I am angry or sad, it is such a help that I can still express myself through writing. Nothing so fancy. Just the emotions and hopefully, there would be some sort of healing. This is a form of self care for me. And I am glad, that I still have this blog to write the things that keep me up at night.
Sorry for the long hiatus.
Hopefully, I am back this 2017.
2016 was a great year, I was just too lazy being pregnant. 😛
Why are you afraid to say the things that you mean?
Why do you doubt your own ideals?
Is it because some people’s questioning of your ideals is a scary thing to see?
The world is big, it’s flat according to some and for others it is round. Whether it is flat or round, you can walk it. And you’re never afraid of falling from the earth because it has something in it that holds everyone together.
It’s like the way you are sewn, your own personality has something in it that holds you together. Maybe it’s the way you deal with the challenges that comes your way. (more…)
I was quite busy in the past few days because real-life is really taking its toll on me as I swam in its huge pass or fail, make it or break it coaster. It seems like a new plan is being directed on my way or I’m being drawn into that new plan, whichever is true, and it seems so difficult to just sit back, relax, open up my WordPress reader and enjoy! I don’t get this much time anymore.
Today, as I open my reader and saw this post about Welcoming Rara back, my heart did skip a beat. She’s back! She’s really back! Welcome back Rara!
As I read through my reader, I was reminded again about my writing and what’s happening to it. I created another blog to separate my stories and adventures but it seems I am not writing fully at these two blogs. I am not torn but I feel like I am having some sort of block that seems to consume my passion in writing. This is the part where I am starting to feel that I shouldn’t have done this or that. Or, some worst case scenario that I should probably stop doing this. Then, this question pops into my mind…
Yes. Why do I write?
Is it because I want to be heard? Maybe I want people to know my thoughts. Maybe I’m still in that phase that a number of views per day do excite me and maybe I’m starting to kill the fun of writing by stressing myself over the low page view.s Maybe not. Or, maybe yes. (more…)
I turned 25 last month and I’m quite excited about turning 26 next year. Finally, I can post something like 26 on the 26th(my birthday is on June 26), I hope this blog is still up when that happens.
For now, let me just talk about being 25 and its difference with being 24.
At 24, I still had a job in the corporate world. I spend a lot of my time in the office so I make it a point to dress up daily, get out with my friends and do a lot of over time. You can never imagine the number of times I tried to get out of that loop. It took me a while and it took some bigger boulders to be pushed. But I did it. Maybe that’s the biggest accomplishment that I had in my 24th year. (more…)
“How much do you love me?”
“Do you still love me?”
I usually ask these questions as if the answer will stop me from asking it all over again. This is the part where I feared about not having him fully, his love and affection. Blame it to the hormones, to my paranoia and my insecurities, blame it to every little edge of my personality because there will be no acceptable answer when these questions were raised. I’m glad that the person I am with would answer it: that he do love me more than anything in this world. I am also glad that he had the courage to tell me that I am being paranoid and that this has to stop. (more…)
One time, I had this conversation with Sugarplum where in I was happily sharing about a blogger who chose a certain kind of job to pursue his/her writing. I also shared about another blogger/writer who can’t seem to write when he/she takes a job. He then throw me a question about my own writing plans.
“What about you? What kind of job will you take to pursue your writing?”
I was caught off guard by his question because I haven’t thought of it lately. I left the corporate world due to some circumstances and opportunities that were out of my hand. I told myself that I will seize this opportunity to be able to pursue my writing but I’m still falling behind schedule, my posting habit is still the same and I sometimes feel that I’m beginning to be a workaholic even though I am currently working at home. (more…)
It’s a Sunday night and that feeling that it’s going to be a long work week ahead is piling up inside me and I can’t seem to properly take my Sunday night rest. Thoughts about my unfinished task, the bugs I need to fix, the blog posts that I’m planning to prep and post are cramming inside of me and pushing me to a depressive state. Stop!
That’s really what a Sunday Dread is all about, it’s about the dread of Monday. Monday, whose sole fault is being the first day of the work week and thus is quite dreaded by a lot of people. I don’t want to jump into the bandwagon of Monday haters as it might ruin my whole work week. Remember, it’s better to start happy than annoyed or stressed out. I really can’t function well when I’m stressed out, it’s in me and I’m trying to play around that phase by trying my best not to be in that phase. Haha. Prevention. (more…)
Two years ago, I wrote a post about why I won’t sign up on a gym and came up with my self-proclaimed prerequisite if I ever decided to go.
Well, it’s been two years and my fitness goal hasn’t improved, not even a little. Here are some of the things that I did in the past two years that I started and somehow failed.
- Swimming. I took up swimming lessons to learn how to swim and after some readings found out that it’s really good for your health and other good things about it. Luckily for me, I was able to learn how to be confident in swimming, though I never perfected my form. On the other side of the coin, swimming is a little bit expensive here. It cost me around 3000 PHP (67 USD) for a month of lesson and swimming pool use. I don’t have the luxury of spending that much on a monthly basis and so after learning some basics I dropped the lesson and went on with my life. 😀
- Running. I have been running since college days but running in college means that it’s part of a training session in soccer. Running now means jogging in the afternoon and joining some fun run. I joined a lot of fun runs in the past two years but I still didn’t see any changes in my lifestyle. Why? I wasn’t religiously training for any run, except the last one, and if you’re an athlete or a sport-enthusiast this would be an alarming confession. You see, I would join any fun run without thinking twice and I’m hurting my body for it. It’s not healthy to go on a run, whether it’s only a 3-KM or 6-KM run without proper training.
- Home Exercise. I downloaded two application ever since I got back from Alabang. The first one is a seven-minute exercise and a Tabata Exercise timer. The problem with this was that I sometimes lose my focus on doing it or it sometimes boring or any other good-for-nothing reasons. The main point, I’m not really good dealing with my own laziness.
- Soccer. I played soccer during my college days. If I get the luxury of joining the game I would but sometimes I couldn’t just play because I really don’t have enough money for fare. Well, college days sometimes do mean being broke and happy. During my stay in my previous company, we decided to create a soccer club since a lot of us are soccer enthusiast. One problem for me is that I can’t join tournament because I’m the only lady in the team. It’s frustrating. We also do practices but due to overtimes and unexpected turn of events, the schedule is a bit sporadic. I still play but it would be on some days when I really have a lot of free time. Even my weekends are fully booked.
Grabbed from the internet
To create a great recipe, one must be relaxed. Sip your tea before you begin. Today, we’re going to cook something that might give us some lessons about life.
- 2 cloves garlic
- 1 medium sized onion
- 2 eggs
- 2 bitter gourd
- 1 teaspoon oil
- salt and pepper to taste.
When the number of bugs and work load becomes too much, the primary reaction of a system is to try to finish the task faster which leads to some developer reaching the “in the zone” phase of coding; though, this is not the case for everyone. Other system reacts differently, some loses the ability to focus due to the amount of stress that came with the experience. This can be attributed to both the way a human reacts or if for some
damn reason that the number of tasks become impossible. It’s like reaching the summit, err no, the limitation of what should be done today.