I don’t consider myself good or err very good in anything. No, I don’t have that low self-esteem dilemma, I just don’t consider myself being good but that doesn’t mean that I would sulk in the corner and tell myself to accept my fate and die rotting in that dilemma. I have better things to do. On the positive side, I have the opportunity to explore new areas, new horizon that I haven’t been before; when people expects less from you, you have that freedom to do anything without people batting their eyelashes when you fail. I know, I know, I might sound so low when it comes to assessing myself but it still does give me some sort of inspiration (in a twisted manner) to continue learning.
After almost 2 years of working and testing (haha, figuratively and literally) the waters, I have come to that point in my life where I want to revive some old flame. An old flame I met when I was still in high school, where I first tried and failed and where for the first time in my life I was so afraid of something that this world offers. Thinking back, that was the first of many things and it was also the key for me choosing what to take when I go to college. As you can see, in the Philippines, if you want to have that first step into a good job you need to go to college and get that degree. Yes, we’re still stuck somewhere there.
I spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to finish the things that I think were purely academic at that time, that sort of feeling where everything seems so wrong and everything has to be done. I spent a lot of time with that but that didn’t stop me, I continued. And I guess, I want to go back to that old flame, to do something. To have something from nothing, well almost nothing, but in the long run, I’ll definitely learn something new. I want to revive that old flame, that old grace of doing it and I guess, when you really start working not everything that comes your way is what you want, sometimes, it is purely what is needed. And in the long process, you need to have that one hour in your life to do something that you want.
I’m a bit melodramatic here but sometimes, some people need to do this. Or, I really need to do this. So, I’ll be reviving that old flame with you and I hope you’ll eventually let me into that overwhelming, mind-blowing world of yours and I will wish with all my heart that I still have a place in that vast place to write something, to create something.
“Hi there programming, I miss you.”