On How to be Ironic

I want to be as stubborn as I can get– the society where I belong shouldn’t be able to tell me what to do. My choices, my life, my game. Whatever happens in my life is a consequence of my choices or actions. Regret should be at the bottom of this list— not on top or near it. This is my ideals. I should live with it.

But I can’t.

“You’ll be sent to our other branch to help with their project.” 

The big news hit me– like a bullet, without even the slightest idea that it was coming. And I was awestruck. No words of hesitation was heard from me. And I stood there– trying to get the gist of everything; as streams of different reasons to say no came to me.

I don’t like plane– my paranoia is at its worst when I ride one.

I wanna see the baby of my friend.

I have plans for the summer; all of it would be ruined.

I want to stay here– near the person I treasured the most.

I’ll go through the process of coping with a new place all over again.

I don’t like being away from him.

And as days turned into weeks and the date of the departure is nearing, a lot of reasons to say No. But, the biggest question that I never had the chance to answer was : Do I have the courage to say this or that? And I fear that I already knew the answer to this– the same as my ideal answer to the trip.

I’m ironic. And I guess, I’ll never be able to live with my ideals. Those principles are hard to live by. And it saddened me because the people that are affected the most are the ones who are closer to my heart.

I hope I get the chance to say what I want but I guess the farthest that this will get is in this blog post. :(

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