Madness is a word never to be precise, its definition has no boundaries, no beginnings nor endings– a limitless definition depending on the person’s perception of it. Collide it with a vast sunflower field, an enormous field filled with those bright yellow flowers that seems to dance when the wind come and the lives of the people who tends it, and definitely, one can have a remarkable childhood.
Remarkable. Well, of course, everything that happened in that span of years that people usually calls as the childhood years are the driving force that made anyone who they are when they reach adulthood. Whether it’s sad, happy or even scary– it’s an experience you can’t erase from who you are. It’s a vital part of you being you. And somewhere during adulthood, you have to face it one again and visit that happy place, sad place or even that scary place. It’s part of growing up or of the letting go phase anyone have to face before stepping out and facing greater challenges.
Deira step outside the taxi that brought her here. The wind, carrying the scent of sunflowers, greeted her as she started to walk towards their old house. It was a big bungalow and as the sun sets behind it gives off that familiar sunshine that she loved when she was still a child. It was at these moments during her childhood that she had loved the feeling of going home, walking these paths that lead to their home. There were some parts that she wanted to forget about, of course, no one ever had a perfect childhood. Everyone had their own share of nightmares or bad experiences as a child that usually vanishes or had been erased in one’s memory. Either the memory is so painful that one’s mind developed the ability to alter it so as to save the owner of being drowned into madness. Yes, madness is a fearful state. A state where you don’t wanna be.
Deira smelled the sunflowers and looked at the field. It brought with it a thousand memories, a thousand sunshine and sunsets, an enumerable experiences of love and life. It was here that she first met Carla and how she loved her from the first time that she saw how lovely her hair was and the care that she showed towards her and her father. This is the field that witnessed how her mother left her behind. She had enough of Carla and her father– at that time, Deira didn’t understand. Not a single hatred was instilled towards the girl that broke her family. Or, was it really her fault? Looking back, the same scene was happening every day of the week: her mother angry and so does her father, door slamming as well as some furniture being thrown. Yes, all of these are happening before Carla came. And yet, her mother blamed Carla for the brokenness of their family.
And as the painful memories unraveled into her mind, some worst memories slowly crept in. This is the field that she had taken some moons ago, it was a lonely night, a deeper night than it is now. She told her father that she want to go home because she was hungry, he let her go because it was their field, nobody should be able to touch her here. She walked this same path and saw one of their seeder Jay at the far end. Drunk. And the next episode of what happened were somewhat painful that there were some kind of haze in her memory. She remembered how he painfully took her arm and her dress, the pain and the blood on the sunflowers afterwards. And she lay there, in the middle of the madness and the sunflowers, sobbing and calling her mother who left her that morning.
She never knew what happened after that time, it was all blurry and painful. There were a lot of staring into nothingness phase, then there were doctors, nurse and some kind of place that heals the pain and the longing and the sadness. She got the help that she needed, so they said.
She saw them: her father, mother and Carla, they are going to dine for the first time after a long time. Everything should be forgotten now, she’s coming home. She’s finally home, into her sunflowers.