There’s that single road that I should be taking everyday, as I open my eyes and leave the comfort and cuddly feeling of my bed and my home, I take that journey towards being a responsible adult. I go to work, 8 to 9 hours a day. I definitely eat three times a day, jog some extra mile when I’m in the mood and start some personal project when I have the extra time. On some days I read books, play soccer, post something, swim some more but definitely, I don’t feel responsible enough or a full-pledge grown up. Maybe I have this ideal state for an adult– someone who can do these stuffs, some super man/woman who is capable of balancing things along with work, life and self-improvement.
I don’t really consider myself as a responsible adult. I always forget what to do, when to do some things or I miss appointments, opportunities. I am easily baffled with stress– stress of too much work, too much idle time, too relax, too busy and all the of the world’s irony. I get stressed out easily, I always find myself staring blankly at the ceiling trying to figure out what’s wrong with my life.
Or on some days, I question the things that I am not doing.
This site seems to be barren, it needs more content.
My mini project on Android and a Zend Framework project that seems to be taking forever.
The languages that I want to learn.
The classic books that are beginning to rot in my reader.
The pizza I promised myself that I’ll be cooking.
The weight I intend to lose.
Argh! There are far too many things that I should be doing but it seems I always mixed everything up and lose all the focus, energy and confidence that I possess and sulk in the corner wondering why the world seems too flat or too round. I get distracted easily, especially when I’m pressured or even when I’m relaxed (or, I can truly say as ALWAYS!), so I end up the day achieving nothing. Then the same things happen again–I stressed out thinking of not doing anything which results to achieving nothing then repeat. Wew. That’s a recursion.
It’s a terrible and difficult road, the one that we should be taking to become an adult. If given the chance, I would jump into the first train going back to being a child and living my life as freely and as foolishly as I could but that’s not an option. I’m not a little girl anymore,I don’t have the luxury of committing a lot of mistakes and being forgiven for them, not even suffering the consequences; rather, I should be starting my journey towards being a real adult.
Real adult. An adult not because of my age but because of that sense of being responsible for every action that I take. An adult because I still do make mistakes but I learn from them and suffered from their consequences. It’s a constant battle between myself to manage things: time, finances, work, play and all of life’s manageable part. It will be a long journey and there’s no turning back, if I stop now I’ll be trapped somewhere in between. I thought being there, in that hanging, floating state of something-in-between is a good place but NO! It’s not. It will never be. It’s either you level up or rot where you are.
As I remind myself over and over again that I will never be able to achieve anything by sulking in the corner and over-thinking things, I do hope that these words are enough to fuel that passion, energy to take up my lazy butt and start this life-long journey towards being a real adult. It might be starting already and I’m just in denial of my present state. Nonetheless, let me just do it or try working it out and start those bigger steps–I don’t have the luxury of those baby steps anymore.